Pairing: J-No and Laz
Disclaimer: I own no one, and as much as it pains me to say it, this never happened.
Summary: "Adam did his absolute best not to gag on the sweet smell of perfume that came rolling off of John the minute he laid down next to Adam in the bed."
Rating: Well, I'd say R or higher. It does tend to be a bit graphic. I don't think any of you will mind, my slash-reading sisters.
Adam rolled over and looked at the clock. Three thirty in the morning, and John wasn’t home yet. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t used to it. He had become accustomed to it by then. He just didn’t like it. He knew what John was doing late at night when he thought he was asleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop loving John for it. He just didn’t have the heart. He heard footsteps in the apartment and he rolled over so that John wouldn’t see his face and know that he was awake. He didn’t want to cause any more strain in their relationship than there already was.
He heard John taking his shoes off and stripping down for bed. Adam did his absolute best not to gag on the sweet smell of perfume that came rolling off of John the minute he laid down next to Adam in the bed. He did his best to ignore the satisfied sigh that John made as he settled in. He tried his best not to cry as John didn’t even bother to touch him or kiss him as he might have done in the past when the guilt was eating at him after what he’d done. Unfortunately, his best just wasn’t enough. A few traitorous tears fell quietly down his cheeks as he choked on a sob.
He knew what all of that meant. It meant that John didn’t feel guilty anymore. He felt like he didn’t have to make it up to Adam somehow anymore. The realization was enough to send icy tremors of pain all through Adam’s body. But, try as he might to be angry, he never could really be angry at John. All he wanted was comfort as he carefully rolled back over and laid his head on John’s chest. He buried his face in John’s neck and pretended not to smell the woman’s scent that was all over him. All he needed was a caress as John pulled away and turned his back on him, but then, when had John ever really given him the comfort he needed when he needed it most?
John was beat as he made his way to the car. Melissa was fun in bed, but he couldn’t be staying the night with her. He would have. It would have beaten driving back to the apartment dead tired, as usual after such an “outing”, but there was a small problem with that and it went by the name Adam. As far as John knew, Adam didn’t know what was going on. He planned to keep it that way, too. Sure he’d felt guilty in the beginning, but then he realized that Adam was a rather heavy sleeper and he didn’t have to tiptoe around, afraid of disturbing him. He could just go out, have a good time with Melissa, and come back before Adam ever knew he was gone.
The only problem was, his feelings for the younger man were beginning to fizzle out. It was not that he didn’t love him, at least he was pretty sure that was not it, but things just didn’t feel right anymore between them. Adam had become clingy and quiet and dreadfully skinny. None of which John much cared for. There was more to it than that, though. Adam had become so distant and sad and touchy, and John didn’t know why or how to fix it. So, he turned to Melissa. She was good in bed and she didn’t ask for a commitment like Adam had. It was a perfect arrangement in John’s mind.
The next morning found the not so happy lovers inevitably entangled in one another’s arms. Adam, in his sad slumber, had gravitated toward John, as sad people often do toward their only source of comfort, no matter how the comfort seems to be lacking. Upon discovering this, John carefully slipped away to shower, lest Adam smell Melissa’s perfume on him. His feelings for him may have been slipping away, but he still didn’t want to hurt Adam.
Adam smiled serenely against John’s chest as he hovered on the line between being asleep and being awake. Suddenly, his senses came crashing bact to him as John laid him down, ever so gently, on the bed. He could still smell her perfume and it made his want to cry. How could John do such a thing?
He knew John had loved him once. He had told him all the time. They had been happy before John had found someone new. Adam remembered how they used to make love all night so that when he woke up, he was sore and tired, but so happy that he had found someone to share something like that with. Now, things like that rarely happened. It wasn’t as though Adam didn’t want them to. It was just that John always seemed to pull away when Adam tried to get close to him.
Adam got up and put on some clothes. He chose a red and black horizontal striped shirt and put it on in a futile attempt to make himself look less painfully thin. Deep down, he knew nothing would hide it. He chose some black jeans that had once fit nicely, but now dangled precariously on his bony hips. Upon deciding that it was indeed cold in the apartment, Adam put on a black jacket as well.
John came out of the bathroom as Adam was brushing his hair. The long strands curled slightly and somehow made him seem more innocent. Adam smiled sweetly at the man that would forever own his heart, though the sadness never left his dark eyes. “Good morning, Johnny. Did you sleep well?”
“Like a rock,” John said, leaning in and kissing Adam’s shoulder The guilt never bothered him until he was able to look into those eyes.
Adam turned and looked John in the face. The words, “I know,” were poised at the tip of his tongue, but he knew he couldn’t risk losing the one person that he loved more than anything. Instead, he leaned a little bit closer, daring John to kiss him, and never taking his eyes from John’s.
John knew what Adam was doing. He used to play that game all the time when their relationship was new, and it was only them. It used to drive him wild, and with shock, he realized that it still did.
He leaned in teasingly, his lips mere millimeters from Adam’s. He heard Adam’s sharp intake of breath, and smiled inwardly. He moved his hands to firmly grip Adam’s waist, ignoring the fact that they were almost able to completely encircle it, and finally leaned in the rest of the way, pressing his lips to Adam’s eagerly.
Adam moaned into the kiss. It had been so long since they had done this. He had almost forgotten how good it felt to be touched like that. He wound his arms around John’s neck and laced his fingers into John’s damp hair. John backed him up against the wall and pulled him closer before pushing him roughly into it. He quickly pulled Adam’s jacket off and threw it on the floor. He then began kissing and biting Adam’s neck hungrily as Adam fought to keep his knees from buckling. When John rubbed the heel of his hand none too gently against the growing bulge in Adam’s pants, he couldn’t hold himself up anymore.
He slid to the floor gasping and moaning as he went. John followed him and then pulled his shirt off. He positioned himself between Adam’s legs as they continued to kiss and touch each other. Finally, he felt much too constricted by the towel that was tied around his hips. He pulled it off and rewarded himself by pressing his hips hard against Adam’s, enjoying the feeling if the rough fabric against his bare skin.
He unbuttoned Adam’s pants and slid them off easily along with his boxers and admired the pale skin beneath him. He bent down and kissed Adam’s flat stomach, momentarily resting his head on it. Adam smiled and ran his fingers through John’s drying hair before gently urging him up for a deep kiss.
He ran his tongue along John’s lower lip and slid it inside John’s mouth. John soon pulled away, only to leave a trail of kisses down Adam’s jaw line all the way to his belly button, which he then dipped his tongue into, soliciting a breathy moan from Adam.
“Come here,” Adam growled, pulling John up with surprising strength and kissing him while pressing his hips up against John’s. John pulled away, but he wasn’t planning in teasing Adam any more. He put a finger into Adam’s mouth and Adam carefully sucked on it, knowing the reason for it. John pulled that finger out and replaced it with the second. This time, Adam decided to tease John a bit. He sucked on the finger and swirled his tongue around it, even biting the tip gently. By the time the third finger was lubricated, John was nearly panting.
He carefully slipped a finger inside Adam and moved it around a bit. After a while he slipped in a second finger, and eventually the third. He pulled them out and slipped inside, kissing Adam’s forehead as he hissed in slight pain. It had been a while after all.
After a few minutes, Adam’s sounds became less and less pained. They eventually turned to moans and John was glad to be able to move faster inside him. John’s movements became more and more rough and Adam’s moans, louder and more insistent. Finally, Adam raked his nails hard against the scratches that Melissa had already left as he came, followed seconds later by John.
John collapsed on his back beside Adam, exhausted. Adam laid his head on John’s stomach, facing him. “As much as I’d love to stay, Johnny, I really need to get to work. I’ll be late if I don’t hurry.”
John sat up, all but throwing Adam off of himself. “Fine. Have a good day.” He threw on some clothes and left Adam alone on their bedroom floor. Adam got ready quickly, feeling quite used. He didn’t even kiss me goodbye. Adam thought sadly. Never in all his life had Adam felt more used. He had bruises on his neck and hips and carpet burn on his back.
He realized that John hadn’t done that out of love, but out of a need to scratch on itch, so to speak. He realized that John was just using him until he could go out and see her, and that hurt more than being ignored.
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